Paraty and Ilha Grande

Our long trip to Paraty was less than ideal but we eventually arrived at our hostel. Although we had booked into one hostel, we had been moved to another one next door called Gekko. We were a bit confused until we realised it was actually a good thing and instead of a nine-bed dorm we were actually in a six-bed with air conditioning and a fridge- heaven. The hostel bar and breakfast area was on the beach and the town was supposedly only a ten minute walk away. That was a load of crap though, the town was like a labyrinth. Becky and I's quick pasta mission ended up with us walking around for hours, looking for streets with no sign posts (typical South America), following directions from Brazilians with a worse sense of direction than myself and eventually getting back, cooking in the dark in the outside kitchen with faces like slapped arses. Great.

The breakfasts at the hostel was the same as most. Bread, ham, cheese, fruit and cake. Yes, cake. It's great! It still feels so naughty indulging in chocolate first thing in the morning but I can't complain. The beach bar also did caipirinhas and the best calamari I have ever had in my life.




Whilst in Paraty, the weather was a bit hit and miss, but on the days we had sun, we went to two of the beaches. The first required a 40 minute bus journey which we didn't consider a problem until we got there. The bus had no air con, was full of fat, sweaty, hairy Brazilian men in their hideous skimpy shorts and it struggled to get up the mountain hills. Forty minutes later, having even gassed by the smell of burnt clutch (reminded me of Mum's driving), we got to Trinidade beach with three Australian girls from the hostel. It was a beautiful beach and we sunbathed all day. Becky fell asleep in her shorts and is still suffering the embarrassment of her tan lines over two weeks later! The second beach was meant to have a mud bath, but ok'd we find it? Of course not. I'm seriously starting to doubt my spy capabilities as I'm seriously lacking in the navigation department. Anyway, we got to the beach and the only mud we could find was the horrible slimy sand in the water. It was meant to help your skin but it felt horrible to walk on. The strangest things happened on this beach. As a result of the day before's sunburn, we decided to nap under a tree. I was innocently dozing lying on my sarong when I was rudely awoken by the hideous breath of a donkey and an ox standing over my head carrying two giggling children. Not only was it bad enough that they breathed on me (still not fully recovered), they were mere CENTIMETRES from my skull. That shit cray. Becky and I decided to vacate quickly when we noticed a full on pirate, complete with hat and bottle of rum striding towards us. Not knowing whether to rack my brains for the safety pirate word used by Keira Knightly in Pirates of he Carribean ('parlé' I think?) or to run in the sea and hide or to just applaud his costume, we stood there looking as gormless and dumbfounded as possible. He didn't try and kidnap us funnily enough but I still don't know if he was dressed up or not. He had some serious pirate swag.




After a relaxing few days in Paraty, we boarded another bus to Angra dos Reis in order to get the boat to Ilha Grande. My God was my temper tested on this bus. This stupid, ignorant pig of a German man pushed in front of us in the queue getting he last two seats on the bus. We had to balance our bags and stand up as the bus driver kept letting more and more people on. After about n hour and a half, a seat became available next to the German man and as no one else was waiting, I took it. This was no easy task. I had to clamber over his stupid, gigantic plastic suitcase and him because he was too awkward to move along. Then a man with a walking stick got on and he didn't even offer his seat. I had to climb out of my seat so the old man could go through the same process of scaling the knob's luggage without so much if a movement from the German man. What's worse, he rammed his case on my foot. How I did not have an Ange-esque, fiery red-head tantrum I will never know. Even writing ths has left me with finger nail marks on my palm.

Anyway, we boarded the boat and crossed to Ilha Grande. Unfortunately it rained the majority of time we were here but it was still really relaxing. The hostel was called Holandes and it felt like we were in the middle of a rainforest (emphasis on the rain) with its picturesque surroundings. It was so nice and clean with hammocks on all the verandas and we met some lovely people. We played cards with some Aussies, put the world to rights with an inspiring girl from Norway called Andrea and met the most unintentionally funny guy I have ever met. He made the most outrageous claims about going to parties in favelas and fighting with tramps who wanted his money. So entertaining! Within five minutes of meeting him he'd already over-shared about how he got laid on his birthday even though he has a girlfriend at home (I hate men). We also met the cutest little sweeties called Jake and Tom who we had to take under our wing when we found them frying chicken nuggets from frozen to go with their rice and onion soup- nutritious.

The bad weather had meant there had been power cuts and heavy rain for most of our time on the island, however on the last day it cleared a bit so we decided to explore. The boys told us about a waterfall which was a but of a walk away but we decided to try it. Guess what? We got lost! Ended up finding a beautiful natural pool though with a waterfall. We were innocently milling around in the pool when all of a sudden children started falling from above with the speed and noise levels of bombs. It was terrifying! Luckily they quickly moved on and were replaced with three men. One was balding but had long hair passed his waist hanging lankily from the sides and the other two were pretty normal. They all stood under the waterfall one by one telling us it was a 'healing pool'. Next thing we know they start doing yoga and chanting to the birds from rocks. So unbelievably surreal and unexpected. Baldilocks was a massive waterfall-hogger and once we eventually got a chance to experience a waterfall massage we scarpered unable to contain our giggles any longer.




The next two nights were traumatic for me. I was in bed asleep when all of a sudden I could smell a damp smell like wet dog. I was cursing Becky for leaving her smelly shoes near my bed when I looked up to see the hostel's skanky cat stalking towards me. Ergh I hate cats so much but I managed to get it out, not knowing how it had got in in the first place. I fell back asleep then woke up because there was a change in pressure on the mattress and then I felt the cat on my arm. Omg it was disgusting. Such a vile creature. I thought it had come in through the bathroom door, so closed it and tried to sleep again, terrified I would come in again. The next night the same minging cat managed o get in twice. It could open the door to our room and the window which I barricaded and then it just sat outside the door meowing constantly all night. We were all so tired and angry and it just wouldn't shut up until he French girl in our dorm chased it with her flip flop and it didn't come again thank God.

The next day, we got the bus with Jake and Tom and began our journey to Riooooooo! It was so good it deserves its own post so ... Laters! Xx


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Iguacu Falls and Florianopolis

After our few days in the hustle and bustle of BA, we took a really long bus ride to Iguaçu/Iguassu/Iguazu Falls (each sign post had a different spelling- handy). It was such a contrast to Buenos Aires and it was the first time Becky and I were in a shared room.

We arrived at Puerto Iguacu at about midday and made our way through the village to our hostel. It looked like a shack and it would definitely not survive the gale-force winds and rain we have at home. We were shown to our room and were curious about our future roomies. There were three bunk beds all covered in a super snazzy leopard print fur blanket (think crappy fur pencil cases from school with the itchy lining) which were not only unnecessary in the heat of Argentina but also made the room seem a bit like a rodeo boudoir. Our first room mate arrived in the form of a really shy, quiet Japanese boy who spoke barely any English but wanted to practice, cue constant dictionary flicking and painfully awkward conversations.

We headed into the town to get the bus to the Brazilian side of the falls and were blown away by the enormity of the waterfalls. After taking a safari bus that warned us about the animals that 'cah-ree des-eases like rah-bies' (great), we began our walk around the tourist trail. The falls are amazing and on the Brazilian side you are met with amazing landscapes and wildlife. I wasn't the biggest fan of the wildlife personally, can't say I like jumping out of my skin at the sight of giant lizards and seeing ratty things that looked like Miko from Pocahontas scratching at people's bags and climbing on the tables in the restaurants whilst people were eating. Gross. Some people were loving it though. Turns out Becky is a massive bird geek which I was not expecting. It was like being at my Grandma's as a child again. When Emma and I would stay there on weekends, we'd be watching tv and Gram would start shouting 'Girls! Girls! Quick come here!' We'd run to the kitchen in a panic to find out Grandma had seen a blue tit. Wicked, I loved hyperventilating and panicking over a sodding glimpse of a really common bird. Becky shares the same enthusiasm as my Grandma. Who'd have thought?




Turns out Brazilians are really thorough photographers. We asked a few people to take photos of us by the falls and had our photo taken numerous times from different angles and distances and they even asked other people to move so as not to ruin our shot. I feel one maybe two photos would have sufficed but after they went to all that effort all we could really do was stand there and smile. As a result, I am now the proud owner of about 100 hundred photos of Becky and I in front of various parts of the waterfall- any takers?




That evening we got home and there were two more beds occupied in our room. Post long bus journey and an afternoon of walking we were shattered and wanted to charge all our stuff. There was one plug conveniently near my bed. So I charged my iPad and fell asleep clutching it to my chest thanks to the horror stories the girls told me about thieves in hostels. We had no idea who the other two people were but had the pleasure of meeting them as they came in and out of the room, switching the light on, rustling carrier bags and chatting away over a three hour period from about 10pm. They were a really small Japanese couple and the boy actually looked like a pirate. He had a bandanna tied around his head, a ponytail and waterproof trousers. The girlfriend was really quiet and seemed quite sweet though. When they eventually got into bed, I heaved a sigh of relief thinking I could now sleep properly. Then it started- the snoring. Oh my God I was so angry. Every single other person in the room was awake because of it, including the girlfriend who just sat there looking terrified as Becky and I huffed and puffed ramming earphones in our ears to drown it out. How is it possible for someone so small to make so much noise? They also had alarms that went off at about 6.45am. Lovely start to the morning.

Both a bit grumpy and tired we got to the Argentinian side of the falls and were once again wowed by its beauty. This side allowed you to get a lot closer to the waterfall and walk all the way along. We booked to go on a boat trip that took us even closer and obviously we expected to get a bit damp. Damp was not the word. The boat drove directly into the waterfall and we were DRENCHED. We really didn't think it through and had to trudge the whole way back in wet denim- not fun. However nothing could ruin the beautiful day and we even saw a rainbow (no pots of gold though, unfortunately).

We got back to the hostel hoping to charge our phones (ipad had drained having played music all night) so we could Skype home but Sir Snore-A-Lot was hogging the charger. He wasn't even in the room and had left all his gadgets charging on a multi-plug thing. Why didn't we think of that?! He had also unplugged the air con to charge something- so considerate. I really liked this guy as you am probably tell. We had to sit in the reception crowding a small multi-plug socket for ages but spoke to our family (not Emma though because as always she's busy) and went to bed. He snored AGAIN. I couldn't take it anymore so I stormed over and shook him awake. His arms were flying about as he woke up in shock. He couldn't speak English and I don't know any Japanese so there were some angry gestures and snoring sounds as he looked at me confused. I think he got the hint though as he rolled over and slept IN SILENCE. Why he can't do that all the time is beyond me! His girlfriend needs to man up though. I couldn't just lie there if Becky was making earth-shaking sounds in her sleep. Firstly I'd pretend I didn't know her and then throw a flip flop at her. Ha just kidding I'd probably just tell her to shut up to save her the embarrassment and to get myself some sleep.

The next day we had another night bus to Florianopolis so spent the day chilling by the pool in hammocks before being picked up at 5pm. The mini bus took us across the border where we got the night bus. This was nothing like the bus we'd been on before. The seats were itchy carpet, they didn't go back, the bus was ancient so air con was a freezing jet of air on one of the two seats (mine unfortunately) and our bones were rattled the whole way. Originally we were both sat separately and I was sat by a beautiful Greek guy from Brighton who was really nice and gave me loads of advice about where to go. He had spent the last two years traveling on his motor bike *SWOOON!* However unfortunately I didn't have my game face on (hadn't even done my eyebrows), i looked like a tramp and I wasn't in the best of moods. I just wanted to eat my bargain baguette and sleep so was really pleased when he offered to swap so Becky and I could sit together. This bus was hell and the 14 hours actually turned out to be 20 long and fidgety hours with no sleep so I was really glad it was only Becky that got to see my beautiful, swollen, grouchy face the next morning.

When we finally got to Florianopolis we were taken to Hostel Lagoa on the east coast of the island. It was so nice and hot out so once we had checked in we went to the beach to sun bathe for a bit. My God we saw some sights! Brazilian beach attire consists of barely there bottoms for girls and budgie smugglers for guys. Not always pretty and it was just so disappointing seeing really hot guys in short shorts. They just aren't and never will be attractive.

We got back to the hostel and decided to play some pool and have some drinks. Caipirinhas are the best cocktails and they were so cheap so four cocktails later we were a little bit merry. We befriended some Brazilians called Diego, Anne Elisa, Rafael and Daniel and an American guy called Bryan from NY and they led us astray. They took us to this samba bar and on the way were pouring us Brazilian vodkas and red bull. Omg they were so strong! They insisted that I needed to learn some Portuguese so were trying to teach me to order caipirinhas. I was so retarded, I'd forget after about ten seconds and the bar maid just looked at me like I was a freak as I spouted made up words. MORTIFYING. They taught us the basic samba steps (we looked ridiculous) as they samba-ed away on the dance floor. It came so naturally to them and they all looked so sexy. We definitely did not look the same and I was horrified when a group of American guys kept making us dance with them. 'Look in to my eyes Jess, we can make up our own Samba!' I just couldn't stop laughing. One of them looked exactly like Cory from Boy Meets World. All in all a really good night. We befriended a fisherman on the way home too! Well I say befriended, he didn't really seem too impressed with our squealing at his hard-earned bucket of fish to be honest but I like to think we brightened up his morning.

The next day I awoke to people shouting 'BREAKFAST IS OVER' with a hangover that rivaled all others. Daniel and Rafael who were also in our room had left, leaving us with a really sweet note though which cheered me up. We sorted our lives out and got a lift to the beach in the back of a pick up truck. It did wonders for my hangover being squashed in the back of it with 5 other people and a surf board in the blazing heat but it was an experience! We got to Praia Joacina and were shocked by how lively it was. Such a different atmosphere to the beach the day before. We had some lunch and then went in the sea before getting back on the beers at about 3 (ergh). I'm pathetic these days, I felt so ill.


After the beach we had some Thai food at the hostel before drinking again. We had two new British girls in our room and they joined us for drinks along with a Swiss boy. Bless him he'd had bad luck! Someone had taken his luggage at the airport so he was having to walk around in chinos and a shirt which he'd warn on the plane from snowy Switzerland. He was so embarrassed! We headed out again to a different samba club and danced the night away. On the way home, some knobs in a car drove past and smacked Becky's arse with a rolled up floor mat. She has such a bad bruise! It made such a loud noise that I thought the wing mirror had hit her. So now she's sat on a bus with a sore ass, a potentially dodgy tummy from Thai food and a cold. The pharmacist gave her some throat sweets that smell of garlic, so as you can imagine she also smells! Bless her. Only Becky!

I am currently on bus number two of three to Paraty. I'm really enjoying myself and am getting more and more excited for Carnival. I am having serious humidity issues though and have made a begging phone call home asking mum to post my GHDs to me when I'm in the US because I can't cope looking like a frizz ball anymore and the travel straighteners Becky brought don't work.

Missing you all lots and really craving UK diet coke. Also wouldn't mind some chocolate that doesn't taste like chemicals (anti melting stuff) too. Mumma if you're reading this that was a massive hint.

Lots of love xxx